this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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