I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
