You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
