I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
