why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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