I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
