i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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