Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
