Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
