There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
