It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
