saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
