i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
