the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
