u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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