Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
