If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
