i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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