I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
