I love having hate sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
