is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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