Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
