woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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