Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
