pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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