Betty ford says i'm here all night
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
