Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
