Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
