I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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