i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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