Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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