White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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