Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I puked a lego.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just found puke in my bra..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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