You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
