there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sarcasm needs its own font
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
