Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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