I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
