You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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