I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
