Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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