i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
