Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We have started to decorate penises.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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