are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My ass is underappreciated
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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