We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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