I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
