I cockslap morals
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
