i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
