Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
