one two three fourrrrnication!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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