Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
